i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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