I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
