he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
