I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
