people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
