we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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