You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
