the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
