I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
