Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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