I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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