Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
