Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
