I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
