Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
