It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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