Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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