Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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