i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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