eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
