I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
