Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
