Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
