ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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