how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
