I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
