Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
