i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
