I bet he comes in French.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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