He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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