do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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