wakey wakey hands off snakey
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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