she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
