I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
