i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
