so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
