how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
