I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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