i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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