I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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