Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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