Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
