my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
