omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
