Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i think im in europe. pls send help
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
