if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
