I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
