If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
