Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
