he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
