im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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