if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
