Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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